We got's nutin' ta fear 'cept fear itself.

http://seven-eighths.blogspot.com/2011/03/day-of-two-emotions.html

That was where I talked about fear.

Oh, I think I have grown.

In fact, I think I have taken my potted plant of a self and flipped it turnways.

Replanted into some fresh fucking tilled earth.


And am now ready to expand my root systems to the motherfucking core.


That metaphor may have gotten a little out of hand.

I think the best advice that I got from Des was to "stop holding back."

That was very good advice.


I've been working throughout the year to apply that to basically everything.

I think I have mentioned before that I see most of humanity as lonely scared human beings who want nothing more out of life than to be loved and accepted. And by realizing this I can push past the paralytic feelings that the loneliness and fear cause. My father warned me to make sure that it would not cause my ego to swell.

I take that to heart. I never want that to happen. Ego is a dangerous and fuck thing.

Hubris hurts and all that roit.


Thanks for the experiences.

I really appreciate 'em.

Still pissed I missed that flashmob, but olive.

Haha pun.


Yeah, Good times guys. Really feel a great deal more confident thanks to this class and this year.


And that's it.

Up up and away.

So. You want us to, "Confession: fearful / scary moment. Dig deep and really recall that moment."

Okay.

Cod dammit.

Ugh. I know exactly what to do here.

Don't even have to think about it.


It was a few years ago.

I was at the San Diego Zoo.

I was in the bird exhibit. Some huge aviary filled to the brim with breainless feathery assholes.

I like birds.

I like how they can fly.


The aviary had some stairs built into it so that people could get a better look at all the birdies.

I am afraid of heights.

But I can usually handle myself with stairs, even stairs that are kind of thin looking. They are still made of metal. I just grab that railing like a boss and control myself.

But these stairs.

No. They were made of FUCKING

GLASS.

That was BITCHIN having to go up those. Especially since you HAD to take these stairs to get out of the aviary. It was a one way pathway, and there were a shit ton of people.

I was FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT here.

I could have filled a fucking pool with my sweat and I have the skin chemistry where I barely sweat in nearly all situations.

FUCK.

Even thinking about this is giving me chills.

AUGH.

Fucking heights.



I am a little better now. I worked on a few things in order to bring my fear of heights into line. I didn't like having such a huge weakness.

But god dammit.

That memory still fucks with me.

I'm just glad that I managed to get the fuck out of there without causing some kinda scene.




Seriouslly, who the FUCK makes a set of stairs and pathways out of GLASS. A FUCKING HUNDERED FEET IN THE AIR.

AUGH.

Fuck this.

And fuck them.


That's it.

A day of two emotions.

I hate Tuesdays.

I love Tuesdays.

I love 'em because I go to all my classes on that day. I learn a lot, and I have a good deal of fun.

I hate 'em because I go to all my classes on that day. And they are all really far apart.

I don't have a bike.

My feet hurt.



Anyways, time for fear and shit.

I was concerned about getting into the class. I was crashing. Thankfully, the first lecture was very fun, so that eased my apprehension.

I showed up, early, to the section meeting and was handily rewarded.

SWEET CRASH!


Made it in.

By the skin of my teeth. Bloody hell.

Awesome.


I hope I learn how the fuck to make better art.

I'm an art major and, while I have always been able to cobble together works that managed to get me good marks, I want to have more control.

Sometimes (read: most of the time) I feel like I don't really know what the fuck I am doing. I want really know what I am doing.

I want the surgical knife to go where I tell it to.


I think this class will help me with that.



And that's all folks. Or folk, since probably only my TA is reading this. Hi TA! I think that you boxing is really cool!

Anyways, yeah.

That's it.


P.S. I swear a lot. So if that is gonna be a problem well then FUC- I mean just tell me and I'll work on it.